If i were having coffee with myself in 2022.

If I were having coffee with myself four years ago today in August 2022, I would have driven to the coffee shop kid free because my oldest is finally old enough to baby sit fully expecting the me from 2022 to have all of her children with her.

I would have gotten there thirty minutes earlier to find us a good seat outside, She would have gotten an Iced Carmel Macchiato with extra ice and whip cream. I would have gotten a Grande brown sugar shaken espresso, extra ice in a venti cup with brown sugar cold foam and graham cracker toppings.

I would sit with her and let her talk as she would go on about her hopes and dreams. I’d ask how her pregnancy was going and tell her how much I miss the feeling of a baby kicking from the inside. It’s such a beautiful season to be in.

She would tell me how excited she was to be meeting her daughter a month from now, she’d tell me about the plans and dreams, the curriculum she picked for that year. She’d tell me how she’s been looking at these beautiful houses on zillow and that next year would be the year she’d finally give her girls a home to raise them in.

I’d sit there. Listen to every word, smile when she smiled and at the same time holding back the tears knowing exactly what would be taking place in her life not even two weeks from now.

That the dreams she is currently telling me would come crashing down all before the baby growing inside of her takes her first breath earthside.

Should I tell her? I would ask myself internally.

Should I tell her that in two weeks her husband was going to end their ten year marriage over a text message?

Should I tell her that she will end up taking half of the finances that she wanted to use as a downpayment on a home to keep her and her children afloat until she had to find a job?

Should I tell her that the curriculum she bought for her three school aged girls will go nearly untouched because she would have to send them to public school?

I looked in her sweet hopeful eyes and took a deep breath.

She wouldn’t believe me if I did, I though.

I decided to let her enjoy what was left of this season before it ends in a blink and every certainty in her life becomes a blank page.

But before we did part ways I left her with this.

I can’t tell you what life will look like. But I will tell you this.

it’s not going to be what you think. You will face storms you never thought would hit your home.

You will question God in ways you never have.

You will grieve in ways that felt like death.

But take heart dear one, because through the breaking will come strength.

Through the questioning, God will meet you there.

Through the ashes you will find beauty.

And through the uncertainty, you will learn to trust.

If I were to have coffee with myself in 2022, I’d tell her the future she has dreamt for won’t belong to her.

But I would tell her that I’m currently living in God’s redemption and let me tell you, His plan is better.

And take one day at a time, mama. for the season you are about to walk through will attempt to steal so much from you.

Don’t let it steal the things that matter.